Men! She said sarcastically.

Damn, I had way too much sugar today -- an extra large Mr. Pibb!!! Now I feel logy. (Isn't that a funny word? Logy, logy, logy. Say it 10 times fast.) It's well after midnight. Can't sleep . . . again. Spent the day at Best Buy, Walmart, Best Buy, Target and Walmart again. And, I didn't even get to shop. I just grabbed things I thought I might need on the way to and from the TV departments where my husband was searching for the perfect TV for his birthday. (Hmmmmph. How did these Hershey chocolate bars get in the basket?)  For some strange reason, the 50-inch TV in the living room isn't enough. The bedroom -- that place that is supposed to be for sleeping and, well, you know -- is about to become a private viewing room for the latest DVD releases. Oh goodie. What is it with men and their big boy toys? After we got the 50-inch TV a few years ago, our neighbor had to go out and get one, too. Only his was bigger -- by two inches! I guess that's a lot in boyland. Last year, my husband finally replaced his old 4-wheel drive Toyota with a new -- at least twice the size -- F-150 King Kab. The worst part is that it took him 15 years to find it. What fun we've had shopping at car lots weekend after weekend after year after year. When he finally saw it, his eyes turned to saucers like a kid at Game Stop. I nearly blew the deal when I insulted the salesman who, oops, made a mistake, giving us the wrong price then discovering it just as we were about to sign the paperwork. Sometimes, my no-holds barred personality works. Other times, it just pisses people off. It worked after my husband purchased an AS IS lemon at an 8 Mile Road car dealership that included trading in MY Jeep. It took me two hours of badgering the owner, doing everything from insulting his integrity and accusing him of taking advantage of the little guy (me) to threatening to call my media friends at Problem Solvers and crying, I actually got our money and our Jeep back. I should have been given an Oscar for that performance. The guy charged us $200 for the repairs they did on the Jeep which we thought was fair especially since it ran for another few months, enough time to find another vehicle (which we later found out had been stolen.) That wasn't my husband's fault. We did everything we could, including searching CARFAX.com. The VIN was somehow switched. It even fooled the Secretary of State's office employees who tagged it for us. It wasn't until we sold it that we learned its history . . . Where was I? Oh, the F-150. Turns out, my husband really wanted it and even at the higher last-minute price, it was a good deal. Sorry, honey. He went back the next day, probably described me in "Lucille Ball'' terms and came back with his new toy. I had to admit, it was pretty cool. Okay, so back to the TV. Personally, I'm not much of a TV watcher. It didn't bother me that we had to use binoculars to see the 13-inch that we had propped atop my dresser half way across our bedroom. But, I do love my husband and for all that he doesn't say when I come home from shopping trips with bags full of "stuff,'' he deserves it.

The best part about this day, we agreed that this TV would be a present for both of us as our birthdays are only a month apart. No, that wouldn't be right, he said, knowing that I wouldn't really watch it that much anyway. "Hey, I know,'' he said. "I'll buy you the full-motion mount to keep the TV on the wall and off your dresser." I don't think he was kidding.

Right now, as I listen to him whistle through his noise as he doses off, I realize that I am blinded by this giant light in the middle of the room. I look up to see that all that the racket he's been making for the last few hours involved mounting my birthday present to the wall (Great, I got it early!) so he could hook up his birthday present. It couldn't have been two minutes after he climbed into bed to enjoy it that the nose symphony started.

Where's the frigging chocolate?